Where to start?
I think I will tell you a little about myself yo give you some understanding of things I may say in the future.
At the age of 17 in 1987, I went out into this world on my own. Since then, I have fought for myself and my family and never looked back. I have some things I would like to share. A friend recently asked me what I would change in my past. My answer. Nothing. She was taken back by that statrment and so I shall tell you why.
I met my first Husband at 16. I thought he was the one who would forever hold my heart from the moment we met. He was very jealous and abusive. I thought like so many young girls that once we got married things would get better. However, they got worse. At 17, I was told that I would never have a child of my own. Inside I kept thinking if we just had a family the abuse would stop. I got pregnant again with twins. Lost them both about 6 weeks apart.The stress of it all made the abuse and drinking even worse.Once again. I was in dreamland.
After getting married in 1989, I was the soul supporter of the 2 of us for much of our young lives. Thanks to his mother, we had a place to live. After about a year of living like that, I decided I wanted my own place. I felt I had been patient long enough. I found a house I wanted, made a down payment and threw out the ultimatum. Either get a job and move with me or see you-bye -divorce. I didn’t really care.
He did get a job but it didn’t last as usual. Before I knew it, I was working 2 jobs to keep things going. I was also an alcoholic. I was tired all the time and I drank so I didn’t have to feel anything. The abuse continued and in fact, had gotten worse..
Christmas of 1989, was the deal breaker. I was held down and choked by a choker chain for a dog and a cigarette taken to my face. I was terrified and it took me a couple of weeks but I found some where to go and ran away while he was gone one day.
In late 1991, I finally decided to try trusting again and dating. By this time, I was a highly functioning alcoholic and worked 3 jobs to avoid life.After meeting Mr. X, I cut down to 1 job and started to find life again. While with this person, I got pregnant. We decided to try moving in together as a family. Neither of us felt this child should have only 1 parent. At the time, I had no idea who he was but that’s a whole different story.
One morning when I was in one of my playful sarcastic moods, I rubbed him wrong. I vaguely remember a gun to my head and being repeatedly kicked and beaten. I was dumped in a vacant apartment and left to die. For some reason , somehow, someone found me. The only thing I remember about the apartment was I knew the hospital was across the street and couldn’t get there.
I was all but dead when they took me into the hospital. I was 5 1/2 months along and of course lost my son. I was also unidentifiable. My parents had to find my ex husband for legal documents of proof of who I was. My room was guarded. Somehow though, this mans attorneys got in and tried to buy me off. I just wanted it all to go away. I remember like it was yesterday…..looking in the mirror and not recognizing who I saw. It was terrifying.
That’s all I can handle right now. I will continue tomorrow. Have an awesome day!