What a beautiful day! No catastrophic events, no bad news….one of those days that make you go hmmmmm? What’s up? These kind of days are small in number but little treasures for me.
My two youngest treasures are having their graduation tonight. No more littles. Jr. High next year. I’m excited for them and sad that time has passed so quickly. It seems like just yesterday, I had six kids under age 4. These two both being so little. Crystal 6 months and Tyson newborn the time has disappeared, all I did was blink.
My life pattern, has been realitivley close to that. Time flies when you’re having fun.. and when it comes time to graduate….bam! Everyone puts on their best smile and celebrates. Somehow I never quite reach the finish line. My freedom of choice, has not been used wisely, I always hall ass the opposite way to avoid growing up and when I have stopped to take a breath, a year flies right past me.
When you’re young, you know it all. You are going to change the world. You’ll never be like your parents. The joke ends up being on them everytime. They are a product of their parents. Plain and simple. There’s always a few that accell beyond belief – the life changers but as a general rule, in the real world we get lumped up and tossed out to live the American Dream living paycheck to paycheck. I’m good with that because we are a pretty spoiled people.
I was born brilliant, creative and talented. I could have been a big life changer. It’s all I have ever wanted. I have succeeded in that area in my own way but I think back and if I had followed what was a natural born talent I could have done so much more. I don’t preach to my kids. I allow them to be themselves. Express themselves to every degree they are. I could push them harder however I have been pushed around my whole damn life and it did nothing for me. In fact, those learned behaviors and rebelling come from the inability to just be myself. I was expected to be perfect. Always being compared to someone else. My mother couldn’t see that we weren’t like her family. We had a father who was abusive, couldn’t keep a job and was repeatedly unfaithful to my mother. He kept her barefoot, pregnant and trapped his miserable world. My mother was brilliant – she had her own dance studio at 16. She was naturally smart. She wrote music and played with some of the best. She was amazing. Then she met my father. After I was born, her life turned into a living hell. Unfortunately, I followed that same pattern.
I wanted better for my kids and I have done a pretty damn good job. Regardless of any of my choices, my children have learned to be exactly who they are. They’ve been allowed to make their own choices, express themselves, have their own opinion, everything I was denied and they are each so amazing in their own being! They take no shit. They love unconditionally but know boundaries. They know what it’s like to struggle and they’ve seen the side of not struggling because of hard work. They understand the most important thing in this life is what can’t be replaced nothing money can buy. Although, my children lost their father when they were very young, I can see they are going to be amazing, compassionate, loving father’s and husbands. My daughter’s strong, independent women full of empathy and compassion for other people. They will be amazing wives and Mother’s. At the end of the day, I am so proud of them! They’ve had a good example so, if I am looking back at my life honestly, I wouldn’t change a damn thing in my life. Mistakes and all.
I guess in all of my ramblings today I am trying to express that no matter how fast time flies, what side roads we take or mistakes we make, the future holds whatever we bring to it. There’s a general outline and we start with that and write our own story. The tough part is learning to live with no regret no matter how good, how bad or how ugly. All that we do in this life helps create the badasses we are. There’s really no end. Everyday is a new start. A new chance to do whatever we put our minds to. We never quit learning or growing. Until that day, they put me 6 ft. under, I will continue to live my life to the endth degree.
The past doesn’t have to dictate your life and tomorrow, you may very well become a life changer just by being yourself. Endless possibilities in a world where making mistakes and choices never stops we are human. Don’t get stuck on what hasn’t happened and look to tomorrow. Pat yourself on the back for making it this far and be your amazing self. Be humble, grateful and love this magnificent life. Make your story one that at the end, you can put your footprint on it and say that’s mine, I did that. ❤️
More love. Less hate. H