Therapy today was kind of rough. I want to share what we talked about. The topic was unwanted identities. What is that? Not multiple personality or disasociative identity disorder ( D.I.D). Unwanted identities are in fact, the way we feel other people see us or label us.[ I want to be seen as___ not as____]. (From Brene Brown I Thought It Was Just Me But It Isn’t)
In my case, I don’t really worry about what others think about me other than my family and very close friends (extended family to me). My unwanted identities are from within myself. I have allowed, accepted and believe that I am everything ugly others have pounded into my head. Those things now dictate who I feel I am. I can’t seem to let them go. Every label is just as fresh in my mind as the day it was first uttered to me. I don’t understand why but it’s how I feel internally.
After taking a good look at myself, here are the unwanted identities I see in myself:
- I am worthless
- I am ugly on the inside
- I am broken
- I am transparent
- I am unlovable
- I am crazy
- I am fat
- I am trash
- I am a failure
- I am a burden
- I am somebody’s project
- I am the second choice
- I am a walking contradiction
- I am undeserving of good
- I am a bad mother and wife
- I am the problem..I deserve all of the shit I am handed.
- I am useless
- I am a walking, empty body. Everyone can see all of my crap just oozing out of me
- I am not worthy of being the only one that someone can commit to and be proud that I am theirs..be all that they can see. The most beautiful woman in their eyes.
- I am the fixer. Only good for fixing others problems, Not my own.
- I am a sorry excuse of a human. I don’t deserve to live.
- I am nothing.
The smart, educated, logical, person inside of me (somewhere) knows the opposite of every one of these negative unwanted identities. However, my reality doesn’t allow me to differentiate the two at this time. These are some hard things to accept, especially when you say them out loud and hear they are about you.
I’m always a work in progress and some day I will come around and see differently.
My hope in sharing this is that you can each put some thought into yourself. See your unwanted identities and make the changes you need to be whole. Find yourself. The real you. Be proud of who you are. Love yourself enough to feel worthy and important. I think you are an important, beautiful, amazing human.
More Love. Less Hate. H