I’ve been mulling over different things to write about today. One thing that particularly stands out are the the things we take for granted. This really started striking home in me this morning.
I have some health issues like everyone else. Yesterday morning I woke up not feeling well and tried to down play things. I am well aware that my immune system is compromised and I should be very careful when others around me are sick or if I am not feeling well but, I don’t always make wise decisions. In all of my infinite wisdom and denial I decided to go out in the world.
After I took my kids to work I decided to stop for gas and go to the grocery store. When I left I felt like I was getting a cold no big deal. I took a cold pill and proceeded with my day. By 1p.m. I had zero energy and decided to just rest. I wasn’t getting sicker just more tired by the hour. Dinner came at 6 and I asked the kids to cook because I really didn’t feel well. By 9:30 I was hacking and my back hurt but I still didn’t think it was anything major.
Right before eleven, my airway shut off. Everyone was trying to not panick, get me on oxygen and under control. This is something that is not new to my children as we have done it in the past repeatedly. However I have had a couple of really good years and we have not had to do this so everyone was out of practice. We got through it and after a few rough hours, I finally slept for a couple of hours.
This morning I was kicking my own ass for not doing what I should have. I knew better, the kids reminded me, friends reminded me but I didn’t listen. Not for one minute did I stop and think about the consequences. I’m stubborn. Independent. Prideful. All of the above and then some. I was careless. I take too many things for granted. What if nobody had been around to help me? In my mind I’m sure it’s because I am just used to someone always being around if I get into trouble. I take for granted that those around me know what to do. I get careless with not taking care of things because I am built the way I am. I don’t stop and think that these little incidents could be my last. Permanently.
This afternoon my 19 was leaving on an excursion with his friends for a couple of days. Before he left he came in and asked if I was really ok and going to be ok. Then he hugged me and said ” You know, you’re my favorite human on the planet.” He kissed my forehead and turned to leave, once again he asked if I was going to behave. It hit me that he was going to be totally out of range and that in a worse case scenario something could happen and there was no help. That two minutes meant more to me than I can explain. I take so many of those little acts for granted everytime I am wreckless.
I take others kind thoughts and actions for granted everytime I put up the wall when I feel they are too close to my heart or feelings. I think I’m so used to them being there that I don’t think they’d walk away. Eventually, people get impatient and tired of being pushed away. I would have not one person to blame but myself if they did. I should appreciate people openly, not hide it and assume they will always know.
I always assume there’s tomorrow. I take time, relationships and all that I have for granted every day in some way. Don’t get me wrong, I have plenty of gratitude but I would be liar if I said I don’t take anything for granted. I have groceries, gas in my vehicles, a place to live, money in my pocket, I am able to care for childrens needs. The list goes on but I never stop and think about the big what ifs…all it takes is one incident to change the lives of many.
I spent a lot of time today listing all of the things I shouldn’t take for granted. I’m always a work in progress but I really ought to stop taking advantage of all of the little things. Like the thought there will be another visit. There’s always tomorrow. Someone will always be there to save me. Time to say important unspoken words.
I have alot of work to do. Habits to change. Attitude and thinking patterns to turn around. Another words, I need to stop being selfish and prideful and consciously quit taking advantage of the people who are important and care for me and be grateful and appreciate all I that I have. It can all change in the blink of an eye.
More Love. Less Hate. H