Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house
All the creatures we’re stirring in spite of themselves.
The stockings were hung on the side of wall just waiting for filling in case of a fall.
The children weren’t nestled inside of their beds
There was yelling and fighting, nit picking instead.
Mama in her pjs and sneakers and hat
was ready to roll with just one fat snap.
When out on the front lawn there arose such a clatter mama didn’t bother to look because it just didn’t matter.
Away from the windows she suddenly snapped, pulled down the blinds and got out the stash.
The moon in the sky and no signs of new snow left inquiring minds to wonder who would throw the first blow.
When what to my green eyes suddenly appeared was a big chevy truck rounding up the elves who were slurring and spilling their beer.
With a little round driver whose partner was a stick, you could see with a glance they were both giant pricks.
More rapid than eagles their buddies they flew they planned for at least one and hoped to bag two
Now get on the ground and don’t make a sound Mr I didn’t do it and Miss I want my call.
As their minds filled with winds at hurricane speed they knew in an instant it was an attorney they’d need.
So off to the jail in the backseat they rolled with big guys in uniforms and stories to be told.
And then in an instant I snapped back to reality, able to picture that story play out right in front of me.
As it played in my head and I spun around in ran the dog and I fell to the ground.
I was dressed in my PJs all ready for bed but now my clothes were all covered in liquor and such.
A bundle of gifts still had to be unpacked they had to be sorted and balanced and stacked.
My eyes how they squinted they stung and they hurt my cheeks were all red from the pressure in my head
Oh the things that were waiting to roll off my lips I held it and bit it but really wanted to hit.
I gritted and gritted and ground my teeth the smoke it was rising around my head I’m sure you could see.
I had a look on my face I know can’t be replaced no amount of plastic surgery can ever erase.
Oh how I wish that I had a belly, that shook just like jelly cuz my buck 102 was getting me nothing but yelling.
With a wink of my eye and full 360 spin my head twisted round I was going to win.
I spoke not a word but was definitely heard when I plowed over and punched both big fat head turds.
While pointing my finger at each of their nose I proceeded to pummel with one hundred blows.
I tussled and screamed and threw some more blows I pounded and punched until you had a red nose.
I was heard to exclaim as you hid out of sight Merry Christmas you fools screw you all now goodnight!
Hailee Smith 12/2020