For centuries women (and some men) have played the roll of “mom.” We’ve been the nanny, nurse, maid, cook,on call doctor, preschool teacher, chauffer and bff. It’s how things roll. Years later, we become the assistant to all the above mentioned when our grandchildren are born. At first, it sounds like such a wonderful idea because they’re your grandkids, your offspring, your sons and daughters children. You can spoil them and they go home, according to rumor and old wives tales. You’re off the hook. You can do anything you want because you don’t have to deal with the repercussions. We mistakenly picture those first moments of “mom karma” because we’ve earned it, it’s our right, reward and quiet revenge. Then one day, reality strikes like a freaking out of control bolt of lightning. They aren’t going anywhere. They’ve decided that they want to remain with the clan, in the all too familiar and comfy pod they’ve called home. Solidified by the ominous echo of the words, “I’m gonna live here forever, ever, ever..” (that word seems to drift away at record speeds of a turtle race which, you can indeed picture hearing forever in your mind.)
The panic sets in as the reality of those words pulse through your veins, then slam all of your future plans to a dead halt right smack in mid thought. Instantly, you find yourself thinking back to the days when having kids was going to be fun they said, it’s so worth it they said… In your younger years, you longed for that “completeness” you were going to find your everything. Those precious babies come into the world and you would sell your soul for them, for the first 10 years anyway. After that, those ugly pre-teen and teen years bite. There are many days you ask who the hell thought this having kids thing was a good idea?! As those babies turn into young adults and they are headed out the door, your heart gladly and whole-heartedly sings because they did it. You did it. Everyone survived to adulthood. It’s a blessing and a freaking miracle all neatly wrapped up into one gift.
You’ve patiently waited for this, living through the second 10 years of your child’s life has secret little bits of pay back. I call it Mom Karma. You’ve already pictured the near future when you get to use it. You’ve saved it for what feels like an eternity and any time now, the opportunity is going to present itself and you are going to use it to the fullest. The day comes when you get the news. Our kids think we’re crying tears of sheer joy and happiness (which is undoubtedly sincere) but part of those tears of joy are because the door is about to open. All of those years of patiently waiting are so close we can taste it… revenge is sometimes oh so sweet and our turn is looking us right in the eye. Then as quickly as it appeared, our hope, our plot of using our life savings of mom karma is squashed like a bug when they announce they’re staying. From the moment those words are uttered, everything sounds like it’s in slow motion. Like an old 8 track tape that got caught and stretched through the rollers. We decide that can’t last forever. We use our infinite wisdom to try to force karma to cooperate. What happens next well, is undescribable.
We talk ourselves into the idea that this will be fun. Just like everyone says, it will really make you complete. Just like everyone says. A couple of years down the road, you find yourself thinking that one day, you’ll get to use that mom karma and now added grandma karma. You find yourself in the position of constantly saying no and chasing a midget around the house. Some days it feels like deja Vu. You swear you’ve been here before and scream to the rooftops when you asked for this . Those feelings of anxiously waiting for your time served letter to arrive are bursting at the seams. Yet, to no avail, your day doesn’t come. In a harsh, very real minute you realize that you did this to yourself. You wanted to feel complete. You wanted a family. You didn’t think about the long term consequences, you just followed the crowd. Because they said it was going to be fun.
I know how this sounds and I am not going to sugarcoat the reality of parenthood. It’s a lifelong job. It’s full of bumps and bruises and lessons learned. If we’re smart, we continue to grow with our kids. It’s also a beautiful journey. We bring these amazing humans into this life, hoping to give them everything it takes to be kind, caring, well rounded, decent humans who will leave thier mark on this world. We dedicate ourselves and spend our days loving unconditionally. We are proud of our children, we try to meet every one of their needs because we love them with all that we are internally.
We’re also all too human and even though these words are written sarcastically, to make life a little easier to laugh at, if you can’t admit your moments of these feelings just know, you aren’t fooling anyone. Our all too “humaness” rubs off on each of us if we want to admit it or not.
Just as a reminder …
Your unused Mom Karma Credit is going to lay in wait until life presents you with the opportunity. Enjoy the ride. ❤️
More Love. Less Hate. H
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