Does this kind of love really exist or are we instilling unrealistic ideas in our minds?
I asked this very question to several people personally and through social media. The answer was yes about ninety percent out of the 30 who answered. I was personally quite surprised at what research had to say.
Surprisingly, the men jumped right in and were in agreement with this statement. I automatically assumed that us mushy, fairytale believing women would be all over it of course. What I didn’t see coming were the mens point of views. Honestly, I had no idea that men have the same romantic ideations as women do, just as young. I know as women, we joke alot about how men have to be coached on these things, but I saw very quick, sincere answers. Where in the world did I learn to assume such a twisted view?
I thought about women and the assumption I have had in my own mind. I pondered the idea and wonder if we are all just twisted. Do we really recognize that men want these same things outwardly? Society, experiences and things instilled from generations before us, put these ideas in our heads and we roll with it throughout our lives. Why?
It starts when we’re children. We read the fairy tales and imagine our lives being just as perfect. As teens we watch movies and form the picture of our perfect wedding dress, perfect husband and future family. We imagine our perfect home then finally, our perfect” live happily ever after life.” We absolutely set ourselves up.
What I discovered about men is in most cases, they don’t really have to grow into these things as much as we’re taught. Some made comments that led me to believe that they create their own “picture perfects” at young ages as well but most in whole different ways than females. Obviously, they’re looking at physical attributes more than anything from the beginning which is a given – but several expressed that even at a young age, they wanted the girl whose eyes told the story and showed the world that he was hers, by the way she looked at him.
When we become adults, reality steps in and we lose sight of so many things. Some of us spend our time searching for the perfect soul mate. Some don’t want to settle down, we have oats to sow, there are so many fish in the sea- why on earth do we need to hurry into the fairy tale? Along the way, we pick up some battle scars, we lick our wounds and get back up. We don’t realize in those moments that we are setting ourselves up once again. Some of us search endlessly for that perfect soul mate. Going from one relationship to the next only to discover that perfect doesn’t really exist yet, we keep looking. Others of us spend our time becoming jaded, hurt products of personal expectations only to be let down time and again so we push farther away. Each time, setting the bar a little higher so nobody can get into our personal space. In the end, we’ve become so focused on our view of “perfect” that we forget about those fairytale pictures we once had in our minds. Maybe it’s time we let some of those thoughts back in our minds and hearts. Perfect isn’t the handwritten stories. It’s alot of work and many trials, but it can still be a fairy tale in the sense of the real meaning of love.
Thinking about my own life, I have become a little jaded. My choices have not always been wise but honestly, I have also seen that look. I’ve felt what that look feels like. Have you ever watched elderly couples? I love watching them interact with each other…50+ years and you can still see it in their eyes. It definitely exists.
I guess all of the romanticized quotes, movies and books are more valid and on the money than I have personally given them the appropriate credit due. It’s easy to think that we are glamourising things but when I stepped back and took an honest look, we really do want these things. Some people know how to put things into perspective with words better than others and that’s where we down play things. As women, we don’t always validate the idea that men want the same as well. I believe we should validate those wants for them instead of shoving all of our one sided thoughts down their throats all of the time, acting like they don’t get it.
In all of my years, I realized that internally, I have never believed these things existed. I thought I was asking too much of another human if I wanted these things. Somewhere inside though, I believe that I hoped for them. I have never been treated like I was worth wining and dining so to speak. My love of art, music, dancing, enjoying life and living it, has been too much to ask of the men I allowed in my space. Honestly, I have been one that is good at expressing things on paper for other people but not believing in my own words or worth.
Initially, I accepted this article because I saw it as a challenge to look deep down inside of myself and see where I honestly stand on this subject. I have learned a great deal not only about the opposite sex but I have learned alot about myself. I see now, that there’s nothing wrong with all of the romantic ideations. Romance is shown in so many ways. It’s not all about the big things, picture perfect things. It’s about all of the small, everyday things that mean so much. No matter what side of the romance spectrum you are looking at, it all comes down to that look. Those feelings. Real love.
More Love. Less Hate. H